Being a Dad

The whole idea of being a father has been on my mind these last few weeks.

I am not a great dad.

There are many excuses for this:
I am busy.
I work many hours.
I have no time.

None of those work while on holiday. There is no work, and plenty of time.

So why do I found being a good dad something so elusive?
Why is it something that every month or so I say I am going to sort out and become the dad I want to be, and my daughter deserves?

The point is that it is there really is no excuse.
I could blame the way I was bought up, my dad was not around.

It really worries me that time is marching on. I will always be a dad until I die, but I won't be a dad to a pre teenage girl for much longer. It's like there is plenty of time, yet it is running out. Not that long ago we used to watch Spongebob together all the time. Now, I think it is more me who wants to watch it.

I am really worried that it will all go by without me waking up and sorting it out.

And how does all this sit with God, God who I pray to as "Gracious Father," or "Eternal Father"?
How can I pray and speak of God as giving. loving, forging, caring, using the name Father, yet when it comes to my being a father, I am none of those things?

And what of my daughter? When she prays the Lord's Prayer..."Our Father...."?
What kind of image of fatherhood am I giving her? How is she to believe God the Father will love and care for her, while her father on earth doesn't do a very good job of it? I mean, they are just names, but the implications are vast.

This year I will be the father I need to be, the father I currently am.